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Local Mattress Salesman Hits the Big Time (short story)

It’s been many a long day since I last posted in here, I had no idea. Quick update: Still sober, still cigarette free, still working from home so not much has changed in the last 2 years. I have been working on my novel, and I’m currently undertaking the Art of Storytelling Masterclass led by Neil Gaiman on

This little story was one of the writing exercises. With it, you had to take a favourite fairy/folk tale and re-write it from the perspective of a different character as a newspaper article. The story I chose was The Princess and the Pea and the article is written, from the perspective of the mattress salesman who gets an order for 20 luxury feather mattresses to be delivered to the palace.

Hope you enjoy,


The short story, Local Mattress Salesman Hits the Big Time, is after the cut.


Local Mattress Salesman Hits the Big Time – by Mike Cullen

Local mattress salesman, Lucas Malthe, aged 49, scored big last week when he sold 20 luxury feather mattresses to Queen Ella of Hadersby.

Queen Ella, currently engaged in finding a suitable Princess for the notoriously picky, Prince Emil, ordered the mattresses after a wet, bedraggled woman turned up at the Palace gates last Wednesday evening claiming to be a Princess.

“She said she was a Princess, but I heard she looked like a wet sock standing there in the rain without even a pair of gumboots on?” Malthe said. “Of course, Queen Ella can’t be too careful when it comes to finding our Prince, a suitable wife. We were honoured to be called upon to deliver 20 brand new feather mattresses straight away.”

The mattresses, from the Deluxe Snoozeytime Range, were set up one atop the other in the Palace’s Blue Guest Suite. Local greengrocer Victor Nielsen was also contacted and asked to supply the Palace with one fresh garden pea and a wooden ladder.

The Palace has yet to comment on the purpose of the pea. However, the mattresses appear to have done the trick, with Queen Ella announcing the engagement of His Royal Highness Prince Emil to the Princess Alexandra of Intorbau this morning.

“We wish the Prince and Princess a lifetime of happiness,” Malthe said. “And, of course, when they’re ready for an excellent cot mattress at a competitive price they should call us at Malthe Mattress Emporium open seven days.”

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