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So This is What 40 Feels Like..

So this morning I woke up and the world didn’t cave in. The sky didn’t fall and the trees didn’t wither and die as the first rays of the sun managed to break through the overcast sky. Today I turned 40. Frankly I don’t see what all the fuss was about.

I’ve dreaded today and looked forward to it in equal measure. Turning 40 always seemed so freaking old. Today it seems like a day past 39. No big deal, no melt down, no dying what’s left of my hair purple, buying a red sports car and finding a blonde boyfriend half my age. I had a shower. And I shaved. Oh and I had a cup cake for breakfast.

Last night, for the first time in a month I slept properly. Well sort of. I woke up after what felt like hours of sleep to find it was 11:15pm which involved some swearing and a readjustment of my cuddle pillow. For those who don’t know what a cuddle pillow is, it’s frankly I an extra pillow I was too lazy to chuck off the bed.

I spent the last night of my 30’s watching Bones, Season 2 on DVD. I also slept. All in all it was pretty much perfect. This morning I’ve woken up with energy. And a need to write. I haven’t felt like that in a while. It’s good.

I believe birthday’s are a persons personal new year. Today is the start of mine. It’s also the start of a whole new decade. I’ve got absolutely no idea what I expect from this year or this decade. I usually write a whole list of goals to be accomplished on my birthday, a list that disappears into a drawer somewhere and is never seen again. Today I’m not. I’ve got no interest in goals. I’ve got no interest in direction.

What I plan to do this year is to simply live, be happy and see where today and tomorrow take me. I plan to do nothing but write, to find a job and to find my laugh again. That’s been missing for quite a time to be honest and I’m sure I can find it if I just look in the last place I had it.

So far today the rubbish we’ve collected over the past week has been removed and a tree lopper has just arrived to give our backyard a much needed hair cut.

I take it as a sign, out with the clutter and the rubbish – and overgrown trees – and in with the new, freer energy to help me to manifest my truth and my desires more easily.

Today I’m going to watch The Secret. I never have the opportunity to watch that on my birthday, I’m usually working. This is actually the first birthday in a decade I haven’t been. I think I’ll have a relaxing day, simply watching The Secret, maybe take a walk to the waterfront and take some pictures of the water, or even sketch another barely recognisable human lol.

All in all, I’ve decided that fighting against the current just is too much effort. Running in circles like a headless chicken gets you absolutely exhausted and absolutely nowhere.

I guess there’s really no point to today’s post. For me it’s more a reflection, more an open letter or hope for the future. It’s more about acceptance and joy than anything else.

Today I turned 40 and the world implode. That’s a bonus.

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