My life really has changed over the last few months. I’ve started writing again, quit drinking, dieted and now I’ve quit smoking. I said the other day I’m just a red sports car and a 20 year old partner away from having a midlife crisis. Now that I’ve enrolled in University to gain a degree I’m pretty sure the car and the 20 year old are definitely the only things missing from the mid life crisis. Actually I’ve decided if I’m going to have one, I’m going to enjoy it.
So University. When I was 18 it was viewed as something only the “rich” kids did. At least it was in my family. No one in my family went to university. We left school. We got a job. End of story. The other day I had a meeting with my boss about career development. About how I wanted to go University.
He was all for it. I start in a week. I’m doing a Bachelor of Business. I guess we’ll see how I go. I’m a bit nervous about studying again after so long. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but never felt smart enough to complete.
2012 has been about facing head on the things I’ve always wanted but never felt able to complete. Writing classes, the artists way, then giving up drinking, 10 days ago I smoked my last cigarette. I’ve got no desire for another one, haven’t had any cravings of note either. Now I’m facing my inner belief that I stupid by doing a degree that sends my brain into a nervous breakdown.
Part of me keeps thinking “why a business degree, we’re a writer!” It’s strange to me that when I try to write, my brain – at least my ego – is of no help what-so-ever. When I decide that I’m going to do something to help my day to day job keep a roof over my head, then my ego is all about the writing.
Regardless of whether or not I’m a writer, as of right now I’m a non-smoker, non-drinking, university student about to begin Unit 1: Fundamentals of Business Law on a part time basis. I’m heading into the year in which I’m to turn 40. It doesn’t matter what my ego tries to do to me anymore.
See, I came to the understanding last week that I am much stronger than I think I am. I faced giving up the booze and won, despite the screaming and fear in my head. I faced the smoking and won, despite the screaming and fear in my head. The screaming and fear is in my head currently yelling about Uni, well I’ll face that and win too.
I’ve realised that the more my ego screams and fears, the better my chances of actually succeeding. As I said the other day in relation to the smoking “I’ve got this”. And I do. Uni, writing, recovery whatever it is. I’ve got it. I feel like I’ve wasted the first half of my life, I won’t make the same mistakes in the second half.
Writing in Shadows 
You are a very smart man Mike, and regardless of what “other” degrees you have, writer will always be a title you hold. Now you will have more tools and things to write about. Good luck with everything, you will be great.
Thanks so much Stacy. I’ll be fine. I’m probably have a meltdown every now and then but hey, I’ve done that for nearly 40 years and degree or not I don’t see that changing lol
I got my B.S in Biology when I was 34 and my masters at the College of William and Mary a few years later while I was raising my hell on wheels daughter and running the animal research department at W&M. I was scared shitless and even after my first degree I still felt it was an over sight. I am about to go into Religious Studies…take two years for my BA in Religious Studies and then a duel Masters degree in Religious Studies and Journalism. I am so excited I just wan to pee my pants. You are brave and you are going to find out you are brilliant!!! All you have to do is take that first step and you will have just opened a giant can of Whoop ass that will having you flying through the next phase of your life. Congratulations dude and you can always write me if you are having a momentary lapse of reason.
Hi Lisa,
It’s great to hear other people who have done something similar. When I look at it as a whole I tend to freeze and think “oh crap!” lol. I got my first study information tonight and made the mistake of reading the essay questions, once I stop hiding under the bed, I think I’ll be fine 🙂 I love learning, but I’ve never allowed myself to do it. I’m happy to take as long as this degree takes to complete. My aunt studied her first degree – and was the first person in our family to graduate University – when she was in her 50’s and got her MBA in her mid to late 50s. She’s definitely an inspiration for me in making this leap. I really love your passion for education, it comes through in your comment so loud and clear. Once I’ve done this first degree I’ll see if I follow your example 😀