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A bump in the creative road


So I’ve been a bad bad blogger. I’ve not updated for three weeks or thereabouts. I’d like to tell you it’s because I’ve been too busy writing and living life to blog. I probably should tell you that. I think I will. You don’t mind if I lie to you do you?

Truth be told my creative recovery got derailed a few weeks ago, and I’ve not had the energy to pull it all back together again. I’ve spent the better part of the last three weeks working. We all do it. We have to. Good intentions don’t pay the rent or the internet bill.

It’s all just sort of climbed on top of me. I don’t know if it was because I was coming up to a birthday – I turned 39 last Thursday – or because I was just feeling a little bullet proof. I really don’t know what happened. I’ve kept up with my morning pages. Every day, without fail. That’s something I guess.

I realised the other day that even the content in my morning pages has changed. It’s gone from talking about my script or a short story idea, to whinging daily about life, work, home and the fact I’m perpetually single.

I made some goals, some plans for the next year. The main one being I want to see Italy before I turn 40. I even opened up a savings account the other day and transferred the first amount of cash into it. All weekend, all I’ve thought is “never going to get there, I should buy shoes instead.”

This slump is frustrating me. I don’t like it when I’m like this, and I tend to turn into a hermit when these moods strike. I hide in my room, watch home decorating shows and decide my life’s ambition is to be an interior decorator. Today I watched some cup cake show on the Food network and decided my life’s ambition is to design and bake world class cupcakes. I also decided to take up archery so I can go to the Olympics. I know.

Anyway, I guess the post is really about the fact that I was feeling so confident, and somehow I managed to take that confidence away from myself. No one else did. The only feedback I’ve gotten from people who’ve read what I’ve been writing lately is positive. I don’t even remember when I fell off the creative wagon.

Work – the day job – is busy. I’ve got staff and responsibilities. So does everyone else. It’s time to get my strength together and make a go of something. No more excuses. I did 6 loads of laundry today. It’s amazing what I’ll do to procrastinate.

I’ve decided tomorrow is another day. A fresh start. I’m not going to let anything get in my way. Regardless of what is going on inside my head where I can’t see it, I’m going to get back on the creative recovery wagon, and make my reality the one I want.

I’m a big fan of fate. What will be will be. But sometimes even fate needs a guiding hand.

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